“Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy
Has come to make you new?”
As this first verse rang through my ear buds during a run last week, I suddenly realized the song was about me. Saved and made new. Sometimes I take for granted just how miraculous that is until Christmas and Easter poignantly remind me. As I ran, I thought about if this song were actually written with me in mind. “Mary, did you know that your baby boy would help Irene run a marathon? Mary, did you know that your baby boy would heal her plantar fasciitis? Mary, did you know that your baby boy would move her to Indiana? Mary, did you know that your baby boy would be the reason she started blogging?” All miracles.
Then as the next verse played, it brought to mind the times Jesus opened my eyes to see dire circumstances and hopeless situations with new perspective. The storms in my life that He calmed.
“Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would calm the storm with his hand?”
If you’ve been following my blogposts (thank you!), you know that I’ve spent a lot of my runs listening to worship music and talking to Jesus which has often led to ugly crying. A good reason to wear sunglasses even on a cloudy day. On this day, my newest Christmas playlist was blasting old faves and new renditions of classics like “Mary, Did You Know” by Danny Gokey. So there I was on mile 2 of a 12 miler, overcome with all the emotions that accompany experiencing firsthand a miraculous work of God like calming a storm. Or like the time the pediatric cardiologist told us the hole in Natalie’s three week old heart would close on its own, that surgery was not needed, and that she would not be limited in any activities. Just as miraculous was Meagan sleeping through the night at three months when it took Natalie three years. Or the time we were three days away from foreclosure on our house then received the amazing news that our settlement had been approved at an affordable new monthly payment. Thank goodness that jeweler I secretly went to would not buy my wedding ring even after me pleading with him that I needed the money to pay our mortgage. All miracles.
Two nights ago, the skies declared the glory of God’s handiwork with the appearance of the great conjunction between Jupiter and Saturn aka Christmas Star which hasn’t happened for about 800 years and won’t happen again until 2080. A friend said that’s when she’ll see it from the other side. Unless I live to be 114, that’ll be how I get to see it again, too.
“Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Is Lord of all creation?”
With one week left, folks are more than ready to say goodbye to 2020 with anticipation and hope for the new year. I can’t help but reflect on how this year started. The hopes and dreams I had for 2020… A stronger body. A new marathon PR. Putting my run coach certification to good use. Getting my mom more engaged in memory care weekly activities. Teaching classes at her senior community. Training middle school leadership again at my church VBS. Going to Meagan’s UC Berkeley commencement at Memorial Stadium with those giant photo heads made so she could see us from the field. Purging/donating an entire storage unit plus garage full of furniture and 30 years of miscellaneous items. And of course, all the races. My 12th SF Marathon. All the traditional mother-daughter half marathons with Nat. Another trip up and down Mt. Diablo, Double DipSea, Rocky Ridge. Old faves like Dirty Dozen, Wildcat, and New Year’s Eve at Lake Chabot. Oh yeah, Chicago Marathon and CIM.
None of that happened.
Like Jupiter and Saturn aligning, it would seem that everything aligned in 2020 for this middle-aged momma to sink deep into depression. Finding purpose in each day, feeling useful, hearing the call, reaching out to friends, lacing up the running shoes, opening up the laptop to blog… motivation hit an all time low.
We hadn’t planned on moving to Indiana in 2020. Maybe next year. Or the next. We knew eventually we would as God had opened up so many business opportunities here. Very grateful as it helped put our kids through college. Dave was flying back and forth so frequently the last two years that he’d earned me a free companion pass and enough points to never have to pay for a flight ever again. You know what? The jet set life is about as glamorous as owning three restaurants during a pandemic.
We hadn’t planned on a lot of things happening in 2020.
Rewind for a moment to 2019… We hadn’t planned on the massive remodeling delays on my parents’ house which we needed to sell in order to offset mom’s health care costs. Guess what? The extremely frustrating and costly delays pushed the home sale to February 2020 which ended up yielding multiple offers and a phenomenal selling price we never thought we’d get a year ago. The timing for us marketing and closing on the home was also up there with alignment of planets. We closed escrow the week before the first shelter in place mandate hit early March.
That’s a good closing story. A not-so-good closing was one of our restaurants in March. As this location serviced weekday lunches at several major corporate campuses, a huge chunk of revenue was suddenly cutoff when they all switched to remote work from home status. But along with the not-so-good, one of our other restaurants has managed to not only survive but THRIVE and has surpassed sales of previous years. I guess owning a superfood cafe in a health conscious community during a pandemic has its benefits. Shameless plug – try our Immunity Bowl!
You know what else I hadn’t planned on EVER much less in 2020? Getting another dog. If you’ve ever had to say goodbye to a furry family member, you know the pain. We found out in March that our 13 year old beagle Oski had cancerous tumors and about 4-6 weeks to live. Oski was 8 year old Meagan’s answer to prayer in third grade and BFF for the next 13 years. She had wanted to take graduation photos on campus in May with Oski as he was named after Cal’s famed bear mascot. He started showing Meagan signs the last week of March that it was time to say goodbye. I think it was harder for me to watch her go through the agony of letting Oski go than actually watching him slip away peacefully on April 1st. Funny cuz that was also his gotcha day.
I almost cancelled my non-refundable puppy reservation as I contemplated the agony of having to say goodbye to another doggo when the time would eventually rear its ugly head again. Fifty three trips around the sun and two devastating deaths during this last trip. I’m just not the same after my dad’s passing in October 2019. However, it has occurred to me many times this year that once again God’s timing is miraculously perfect, gracious, merciful, and compassionate. Up until last October, I had thought dad had at least another year. Or I had hoped several more. Maybe even see one granddaughter get married. But had God granted my wishes, 2020 would have been an even more heart breaking season to let him go. We would not have been at his bedside. Church friends would not have been able to sing his favorite hymns in the beautiful private room we were given. I would not have had my alone time with dad to say what I wanted to say in person and, of course, to say see you on the other side.
As you all know by now, I did get my puppy this summer. That was also miraculous timing since I had put my deposit down right before the height of quarantine hit when puppies, toilet paper, and hand sanitizer became hot commodities. If it’s not abundantly clear through my hundreds of puppy posts, getting Miles was a huge blessing. Moving out of state and quarantine make for horrible company, but having a new companion and reason to get up in the morning definitely eased some of those daily emotional struggles.
I’m not at all a numbers person, but if 2020 were a spreadsheet, I think we would see a net gain. Lots of positive lessons learned and new experiences gained. Dave and I gained a new appreciation for cooking at home which has saved a load of dough. Speaking of dough, I learned how to bake a pretty good loaf of crusty French bread this year. I also gained new running friends as I joined an awesome local group – Carmel Runners Club. I’ve learned to enjoy running with friends again as well as cherish runs alone. I’ve learned after running in sweltering heat and humidity as well as single digit temps to appreciate “ideal running weather” more. After our first snow of the season last week, I learned snow shoveling tips from my neighbor. Other things I learned? I learned I shouldn’t try to cut my dog’s hair. But guess what? I did learn how to cut my own hair! I hadn’t seen my regular stylist back in Pleasanton since Covid, but now I may never need to again. Shhh, don’t tell her I said that. Perhaps the biggest impact on our spreadsheet came during the summer when both of our daughters got engaged! We gained not one but TWO sons-in-law this summer! I already consider Zach and Nathan family, so I’ve been naturally just calling them sons-in-law. A double wedding, though – how about that for a great conjunction! Ha, ha.
2020. One week left. What will stand out the most years from now?
I just now quickly flipped back to my last year’s December 31st blogpost. The first line says “I’m having a hard time letting go of 2019.” Oh my goodness…the stuff I wrote a year ago…the cries of my heart. Would you believe God answered them all in 2020?! I ended last year saying “Lots of unknowns in 2020…It’s all about perspective and knowing the things that are possible through Jesus are the most worthwhile.”
So much and nothing at all has changed this year.
“Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, friends. See you on the other side of 2020.
Would one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy
Is heaven’s perfect Lamb?
That sleeping child you’re
Holding is the great, I Am”
