The 2018 Winter Olympics ended two days ago, but it feels longer. I’m going through Olympics withdrawals. This happens every time whether it’s the winter or summer games. For two weeks I join with the world – obsessing, eyes glued to prime time TV – cheering for athletes whose names I can’t pronounce and events I don’t understand…ahem, curling.

This time the drama began early. The curtain opened with team figure skating and one of the biggest U.S.A. gold medal hopefuls. Nathan Chen took to the ice with millions watching. He should be used to this by now, right? After all “King Quad” was even featured in a United Airlines commercial. Some say nerves got the best of him being opening night and his first Olympics. Big, costly falls had the commentators repeating one word over and over again at the mention of his name: disappointment. Wow, harsh. And then a few days later, another disappointing performance in his individual event. Sure, his final event was the stellar performance everyone was used to seeing, but even that perfect night wasn’t enough to catapult him to a podium spot.

Several other gold medal contenders met similar fates in their events. Lindsey Vonn and her Vonn-tourage left with some disappointment as she DQ’d her last event missing a gate near the top of the course. This was her final Olympics.

I seriously cannot begin to imagine the kind of pressure these elite athletes experience on and off the course. Their sports are challenging enough without the added stress of millions of eyes watching their every move. Some might say it’s the price they pay for gold and fame. But all can acknowledge that it takes an even greater mental discipline, focus, and determination to overcome that pressure.

If I compare my first memory of watching the Winter Olympics to this most recent one, Dorothy Hamill comes to mind. In the 70’s, any major television event was made even bigger in our family since TV really was our only means of entertainment back then. So when Dorothy Hamill (who admittedly suffered from extreme stage fright) skated her gold medal performance in 1976, we watched it along with the rest of the world on a TV that had an antenna and a handful of channels. If you missed it that night, you had to read about it in the paper the next day. She was so inspiring that shortly after those Olympics, my mom decided I needed a Dorothy Hamill haircut…which she gave me herself…which I decided only looked good if you were Dorothy or doing a triple salchow.

Lots of highs and lows in sports. They seem to be magnified even more with the way information is shared today. Highs are higher and lows are lower when you become the trending topic. I started thinking about this more after watching several “disappointing performances” the last two weeks. Would results been any different had the pressure leading up to the events been less? What if there were no cameras, crowds, social media, commercials, commentators, and interviews?

I often think about who I am running for when I run.

I have no goals or delusions of ever being an Olympic athlete, but I do know that people are watching me on and off the course. On any given day, it might be the regulars running along the Iron Horse Trail or Lafayette Reservoir. It might be hundreds of runners gathered in my start corral of a marathon. It might be the sixty kids at afterschool Run Club. It might be employees at the businesses we own. It might be my 339 Instagram followers or my 597 Facebook friends. It might be the waitstaff at our favorite restaurant. It might be random drivers on my way to Costco who see me in my little Mini with the race magnets and license plate GOD+RUN. It might be the folks who sit in the middle-back-first-row-section at church where I always sit. It might be my husband and two daughters. And even our dog.

Does knowing that people are watching me affect how I run?

Sure, I’d love for every race I run to be THAT race that inspires someone to get out and crush a goal. I’d be thrilled if me high-fiving THAT five year old at Run Club was her story twenty years from now of why she became a marathon runner. And if folks who never thought they could run started running after reading one of MY blog posts, I’d be over the moon.

But what if none of that happens? What if NO ONE is watching? Would I run any differently?

Most of my training runs are run alone. Most are 9-10 miles. Weekends are usually 16-20 milers. Many hours alone. Sometimes I run to music. I almost NEVER run with my phone. It’s the one time of the day I get to completely unplug from the world, screen time, technology, and agendas. Sure, I could definitely make more of a conscious effort to do all that aside from running, but let’s be real – I’m somewhat addicted to screen time. Perhaps all the more reason why I have come to appreciate my run time. And my Audience of One.

As I’m tapering this week for my sixth Napa Valley Marathon on Sunday, I am reminded of how poignantly God taught me He is the only audience I ever need. It was during this race two years ago, while running along 26.2 miles of vineyards, that I learned firsthand what it meant to bring Him delight (vs Him bringing ME delight). Initially I went into this race equipped with the obvious verse of choice for a run through wine country:

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

But I came out of it seeing THIS verse in a whole new light:

“Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Truth be told, this verse holds a special place in my heart as over thirty years ago while at UCLA God showed me how taking the spotlight off of myself and putting it on Him should be my ultimate desire – and in my best interest. Can I admit that was no easy feat? But as I gradually started submitting goals, wishes, wants, and desires daily to Jesus (stuff like grades, money, jobs, food, friends, future spouse), I found a burden lifted that I wasn’t meant to bear in the first place. It became easier – even natural – to see God in all circumstances. As a result, I couldn’t help but praise and draw closer to Jesus.

I have jokingly called Psalm 37:4 my “get a husband verse” because it was through this verse that God was able to shift my focus and show me the joy of giving Him the spotlight which was how I ended up meeting Dave, the love of my life. That’s a whole other blog post.

My goal in any race – aside from running a PR – is to run my best for Him. Delight Jesus, run a PR. Don’t quote me on that one, ha-ha. But it was during the last few miles of Napa that God flipped that verse around. Am I bringing delight to Jesus when I run? Did I do everything and give all I could today so that He could say it was a delight to watch me run?

And that change of perspective has made all the difference.

Now when I run, whether it’s in training or a race, I run knowing that the only One whose opinion matters or has any influence on my performance that day is God. And if I listen really closely, sometimes I can even hear Him applauding.