I knew when the usher handed me this morning’s program my mind was about to be blown. I knew I was about to have doubts and heart cries of this last year addressed. I knew I was about to have a question answered that has plagued me off and on since retiring from classroom teaching, since opening three restaurants, since getting my run coach certification, since a few sidelining injuries and arthritis rearing its ugly head… I’ve literally said those exact words: MADE FOR MORE. I’ve said it in the form of a statement, question, desperate plea, and even resignation.

Have you ever heard a message you are 110% convinced was written specifically for YOU?

That was me this morning. I hate to break it to you if you were one of the thousands this weekend who heard this same message, but it was really just for me.

I mean c’mon, this Indiana pastor begins by referencing the redwoods in Santa Cruz, California and showing several captivating, majestic, awe inspiring photos. I’ve been there. Looked up and captured that same photo in my head many times. Redwoods are all over Northern California where I’ve called home for 30+ years and run for over a decade. When our girls were little, we took them to explore Santa Cruz, Muir Woods, and Yosemite to name a few. Those were fun and memorable family trips; however, I did not gain a true appreciation for the redwoods until I started running through them.

The nature of how trail races go typically spaces runners out according to pacing and technicality. If you’re super fast and well-trained for single track, lots of elevation, and dangerously uneven paths, you’ll probably be out in front of the pack running alone. If you’re a middle of the packer, you’re very focused on not face-planting while keeping a decent pace. A wide range of runners and paces in this category – chances are you’ll also be running alone for at least some portions. If you’re more of a hiker not in any hurry but determined to make race cut-off times, you’ll also be alone for significant periods of time. I’ve been an age group winner many times in trail races. In fact, for many years, that was my goal. Lately I fall into more of that last group. But guess what? I notice the redwoods now.

I soaked in the gems of facts this morning about redwoods. They grow 10 feet a day, chasing sunlight, feeding on fog. Its bark is fire, disease, and drought tolerant. Its roots only go down 9-10 feet but spread out vastly, interlocking with other redwood roots.

Besides experiencing the obvious beauty and majesty of redwoods, one characteristic that completely overwhelmed me while alone on the Stinson Double Dipsea course two years ago was the bark. Not its appearance but its ability to absorb sound. I had fallen way behind pace after turning my ankle at mile 4, and the majority of fast to medium-fast runners had already passed me. On the way back after the mile 7 turn around and six Advil, I encountered the strangest, most tranquilly eerie portion of trail. I had come up around a bend – not sharp or anything – but it was like I had suddenly run into some sort of sound isolation chamber. Like a giant bubble had closed up all around me. Like I put on sound canceling earplugs. I was alone. No sounds of other runners’ footsteps or breathing. No leaves rustling. No dripping of water from fog so heavy you thought it was rain. It was the most silent silence I’d ever heard. Simultaneously surreal and sensational. Or should I say “sensationless.” I wondered how this was possible and how long it would last. God’s creation all around me. His presence filtered out all other distractions of the day. As I continued on and left that grove of redwoods, its impact fueled me for the rest of the race. Took my focus off my ankle pain. Got me refocused on why I was running: Draw closer to God. Experience Jesus in new ways.

Of course, this morning’s church service was not meant to be a dissertation on California redwoods. But it was through the analogy of redwood roots and the purpose of God’s gifts to His body of believers that I got the answer to my question of whether I was made for more. I think I already knew but was afraid of what the answer might be or what it would take to conquer those fears.

Not a coincidence that this year’s run club theme is “Fearless” and our key verse is 2 Timothy 1:7. This morning’s message helped me see that I’ve allowed a lot of excuses (I mean, really good ones) extinguish areas in my life formerly on fire. It’s hard to commit to stuff you’re excited about when you’re traveling every month or not sure where you’ll be in a year. These excuses have been a good front for fears. Hey people, the unknown is scary sometimes! Also not a coincidence the first scripture reference this morning was exactly that one along with verse 6. I’ve easily recited verse 7 hundreds of times but have never even read the verse before it.

“6 This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” NLT

“Fan into flames God’s gifts!” Have I let some gifts collect dust? Have the flames turned into embers? Do I seek out gifts in those around me and make it a point to fan their flames? Support and encourage their gifts? It dawned on me that If I’m not doing those things, I could be letting others down. Letting the “team” down. And in this case, the team is Christ’s body of believers. That’s a lot of pressure to put on oneself though. No one wants to be the one to let the team down. But even this 53 year old, former teacher, Bible study leader, business woman, marathon runner, coach, and blogger is STILL learning that we are all works in progress – still maturing! Another passage from Timothy tells us not to be discouraged or intimidated because we’re young – funny since I feel anything BUT young lately. He goes on to adamantly say “Don’t neglect your God-given gift! Be diligent and fully committed to these things!” WHY? This is why:

“Get the word out. Teach all these things. And don’t let anyone put you down because you’re young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. Stay at your post reading Scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed—keep that dusted off and in use. Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. The people will all see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching. Don’t be diverted. Just keep at it. Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation.” 1 Timothy 4:11-16 MSG

Bottom line: SALVATION.

Every gift given to us by God is to point us to Jesus.

What are my gifts? Do you know yours? How do any of us really know what gifts we’ve been given? I’m fairly certain they don’t just arrive on your doorstep labeled “GIFTS FROM GOD.” (Although some Amazon Prime deliveries have come pretty close.) Unwrapping our gifts requires a little more effort than just opening a box. I do think they may initially introduce themselves in the form of opportunities, desires, inklings, dreams, visions, and divine appointments (not a coincidence when you’re praying about starting a such-n-such then the same day happen to run into a total stranger who is the director of such-n-such. True story). Stuff that initially gets your heart racing. Or you can’t stop thinking about it. A friend might say to you “Hey, you’re really good at that! Have you considered pursuing this further?” Or you might even say at some point “Wow! They wouldn’t even need to pay me to do this!” *Don’t quote me on that last one.

One of my great loves and honors in life has been as an elementary school teacher. I have no doubt teaching is a gift given to me by my Creator. Now there might be a few parents and students over the years who disagree.

“I’m sorry you got that D on your science project. Maybe you shouldn’t have waited til the night before to do it all.”

“No, I won’t change your N to a G, but I will promise that colleges don’t look at kindergarten report cards.”

Overall, teaching has been a source of joy and fulfillment. Ever since I could remember, I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. But would you believe I was once afraid to walk into a classroom full of children? I dreaded the thought of interaction with kids. I’m also a huge germaphobe and didn’t want to even get near much less wipe noses or hold hands. God truly has a great sense of humor as He gave me kindergarten as my very first class. Aka the grade where you go home hating the sound of your own name. “Mrs. Tang! Mrs. Tang! Mrs. Tang!”

What if I’d given into the fear of children instead of pursuing the gift of teaching? I don’t know about you, but sometimes the idea of a gift strikes fear in me. If I think I’m called by God to do something, I start over-analyzing how unqualified, unequipped, and unprepared I am. Then I quickly become unmotivated. Good thing one of the gifts of the body of Christ is encouragement. Your gift could be to encourage others to pursue theirs.

“Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.” Romans 12:4-8 NLT

I’ve privately coached new and experienced runners over the years as well as co-led run clubs. Recently I jumped on the opportunity to take a run coach certification course as I’ve always wanted to become more well-versed in the physiology and psychology of running. “Coaching” and “Running” are not formally listed in that Romans 12 passage on specific gifts, but I believe they fall into the category of encouraging. When I started this blog after retiring from classroom teaching fall of 2014, my vision was to combine my gifts of writing, running, and encouragement. If you’ve followed along with me since then – THANK YOU. And as Timothy so eloquently wrote, I hope you’ve seen progress and maturation from me, but mostly, I hope you’ve found a little bit of encouragement along the way. Looking forward to staying connected for the journey!

Finally, back to those redwoods. When one is sick, the healthy ones around it send nutrients through its roots. Those roots (the same ones I’ve almost tripped on and face planted many times) spread out and interlock with one another for one grand purpose – to strengthen one another. A few years ago started a run group at my church that met once a week at 10:24 am. Why 10:24? It’s from Hebrews 10:24 to remind me of my purpose for each meeting: to encourage one another. Pastor coined a new phrase this morning: “Let’s one another, one another.” Whatever our God-given gift is, use that to *fill in the blank* one another.

*Special thanks to Pastor Steve Carter and Northview Church Carmel.

Flashback to when I took Intro to Psychology in college and proceeded to think every case also applied to me. And if that wasn’t annoying enough, I appointed myself the resident expert and tried to diagnose the “problems” of everyone around me.

Fast forward 35 years to last month’s run coach certification course. That was me after two full days packed with new terminology, brainstorming solutions for scenarios, training plan development, and much discussion with some very seasoned runners as well as experienced coaches. The entire weekend I kept thinking “I wish I’d taken this course when I first started running!” Ohhh, the plethora of mistakes I’ve made in my own training and racing over the last eleven years. How am I even still standing? Then a week after the class I ran one of my favorite local trail half marathons and was on sensory overload surrounded by runners with horrible running form, loud erratic breathing, and – wait for it…heel striking – oh the humanity! The ensuing cognitive dissonance plagued me for the entire 13 miles as these same runners blasted past me not once but twice as the course was an out and back. They were doing everything wrong yet not in any visible agony and going at impressive paces.

As this was a local race, I’d run with many of these runners over the years BUT never noticed any of the aforementioned maladies. I resisted the all-consuming temptation to offer free coaching advice and preserved friendships in the process.

Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.

Now the question remains: How do I actually use this wealth of knowledge?

My first thought was I need to practice what I preach. I don’t want to tell someone to do something I have not done, or would be willing to do, myself. As I’m writing this, a stack of running books are staring back at me from the dining table. Best sellers and recommended reading. Some I’ve read cover to cover. Fast reads – good balances of the practical, physiological, and psychological. Some are more reference manuals as they are highly technical, filled with charts and mind-spinning numbers. I mention this because I’m swinging the pendulum between thinking I know it all and I have so much I need to learn. To be a successful coach or runner? One in the same? Simply put, do I have to be a good runner to be a good coach?

Yes.

My definition of “good runner” has evolved over the years. When I first started running in 2008, I would’ve put fast and consistent PR’s at the top of the list. Today, overcome adversity and progress are at the top. Don’t get me wrong – I still applaud speed and marvel at personal records (PR’s). Do I want to PR my next race or any race? Absolutely! But is it realistic? At what cost? My perspective has shifted from results-oriented to progress-driven. Not an easy shift.

Last Saturday I set out to do a 20 miler. Part of the 12 week training plan I’d written for myself leading up to Carmel Marathon on April 4th. My sixth year and marathon #53. One thing that has changed significantly in my training over these last 52 marathons is allowing for wiggle room. That’s the +/- factor not just in any given run or week but also race goals. Not to be confused with unfounded compromises, rationalizing away potential, or plain old excuses. “I’m supposed to run 9 miles today but I’m not feeling it so I’ll just do 6 and tack on 3 more this weekend.” “I’m no where near a race PR, so just finish.” “It’s too cold.”

Wiggle room allows me to be better in tune with my body. Wiggle room says don’t push it if you feel like you might aggravate an old injury or feel a new one surfacing. Wiggle room gives latitude to go longer and/or faster as well. An attitude of latitude, you could say. For most of my running career, I beat myself up when I didn’t meet my own goals and expectations. I did not allow for wiggle room. Ten years ago, I would have scoffed at the idea. A little success too soon can be a dangerous thing. Combined with an OCD personality equals a recipe for inevitable disappointment. You know you can’t PR every race, right? You know you shouldn’t run on that swollen ankle even though your training plan says to do 38 miles this week, right?

Back to that 20 miler last Saturday…

It was sunny and 20 degrees warmer than the previous week’s cold, foggy 15 miler. The rationalizing began earlier than usual – around mile 12. That internal dialogue which progressively tries to talk you out of what you SHOULD be able and confidently set out to do a short ninety minutes ago. I dread the middle miles of long runs and marathons. There’s still sooooooo many miles left as the first signs of tiredness creep in. If I could record those conversations and play them back later, I’m not sure if I’d laugh, cry, or give up running all together as a result. “I’m NEVER doing this race again!” “I should’ve downgraded to the half when I had the chance!” “Where is the next porta-potty? Nevermind, that bush will do!” “That cute little 25 year old in the sports bra that blew past me – oh honey, just wait til you have a few kids, a dog, work full time, and arthritis kicks in!” If there were an actual coach running alongside me that could hear all that was going on inside my head…

Saturday’s long run was sort of a litmus test for the upcoming marathon. My last marathon was San Francisco last July – the longest stretch in about a decade I’ve gone without running a marathon. I had deferred Chicago and CIM with my dad’s passing in October and subsequent lack of training leading up to December. Saturday felt kind of like starting over again. Like being a marathon newbie back in 2009. You’d think after 52 marathons…

Wiggle room is building latitude – and forgiveness – into your training plan. It’s grace for the race. It’s when your training plan says 20 miles, it’s unseasonably warm, your arthritis flares up, you feel like walking the entire way back to the car at mile 16, then you remember from the coaching class that some 30 second bursts can remedy fatigue, then – hallelujah – you feel good after mile 17, you wonder how you made it this far when you thought “THERE’S NO WAY!,” then at that exact moment your Garmin signals mile 18 the song “WAY MAKER” starts on your iPod shuffle carrying you victoriously to mile 19.

But your training plan called for 20. Ah yes…plus or minus.

I started out saying I wish I’d taken this coaching class when I first started running. Let’s be real. Back then I didn’t know enough to know I needed it. Or that it applied to me. When you think what you’re doing is working, injuries and life’s curve balls haven’t reared their ugly heads, and you feel invincible, you could say you don’t need a coach. The reality is you’re actually uncoachable. The hardest, most humbling year of running AND life for me was hands-down 2019. God’s timing with this coaching class was in and of itself a textbook example of how He knows His runner better than even she knows herself.

‘Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.’ 2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT