I’m back in Indiana for the third time in less than two months. A new travel record for me which also included trips to Tuscon, San Diego, and L.A. sandwiched in between.

My last Indy trip was timed around the Indy Monumental Marathon. The likelihood of cooler temps had great appeal, and I figured I’d use it as training for the December California International Marathon – goal race for the year and my 50th marathon. Funny cuz I wasn’t “planning” for C.I.M. to be THE BIG 50th when I signed up last year simply to get the early bird discount. I had kind of lost count, and honestly, the number didn’t really matter to me.

As far as long runs go, I suppose Indy accomplished its purpose. A few weeks prior, I kept seeing articles about mental endurance training. Yeah, you’d think after 48 marathons I’d have that dialed in, right? In some ways, I think that part is actually getting harder for me. This verse just came to mind as I was typing that last sentence:

“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10 NLT

If you’d told me when I first started running ten years ago that I’d hit fifty marathons, I’d have said you’re crazy. So, who’s crazy NOW?! Reflecting back on those first marathons, I can say without a doubt that I went in with a whole lot of naiveté and not enough GU. There’s only so far adrenaline and wishful thinking will take you. I mean, yeah, I did manage to cross the finish line, but the stuff going on inside my head was not pretty. That’s okay – at least they matched those very unattractive race photos of me permanently archived now somewhere. Who would buy these?? Seriously, how does one even make that face or sweat that much in the most awkward places?

Back in April 2009, after running my first half marathon in my hometown of San Ramon, I now know that I had been bitten by the race bug. I googled local races and found the San Francisco Marathon which was at the end of July. Then I googled marathon training plans and found Hal Higdon’s novice 16 week plan. Hmmm, 16 weeks…I’d have just enough time to train. The thought was completely overwhelming but exhilarating at the same time.

I remember closing my laptop, taking a deep breath, closing my eyes, and asking God if this was a good idea. And if He gave me the green light, to help me through all the training. And that I could draw closer to Him as a result. Oh, and maybe that He could use this whole running thing for His glory.

I got the green light.

I think back to that 16 weeks of training and all the textbook rookie mistakes I made. Ramping up mileage too quickly, over training on concrete, poor nutrition, running on strained IT band, etc. My longest training run was only 15 miles. I ended up crossing that first marathon finish line wearing a huge knee brace and never wanting to run again. The goal was 4:30. I finished in 4:48.40.

Three days and a whole bottle of Advil later, something strange happened (besides being able to walk without wincing). It was like some cloud and mental fog had lifted revealing this one thought that literally reduced me to tears:

His grace and mercy saw me to that finish line.

It certainly wasn’t my stellar training methods. It wasn’t my ambition or adrenaline. Pure and simple, it was God. He kept up His end of the deal. Now it was my turn.

Indy Monumental Marathon did not disappoint in terms of its spectacular Midwest autumn colors and perfect race weather. My cousin in Chicago said there’s usually one week of this fall wonderment in the Midwest, and then it’s gone almost as quickly as it came. She was right.

I went for a run on the Monon Trail yesterday afternoon when the high was 39 degrees and a completely different scene than just a week ago. Mesmerizing gold and red, bountiful everywhere the eye could see was now barren trees and trails. It got progressively colder as I made the turn back at the 5 mile mark. I felt good, though. I appreciate that last statement more and more these days. To be able to say “I feel good” during a run has somehow become harder the last few years. Age? Traveling? Stress? Poor sleeping habits? Based on my marathon experience two weeks ago, I’d say “all of the above.”

That one hurt. A lot. From start to finish.

I told Dave on the drive home from the marathon that this was the race that makes me never wanna run again. Wait. Where have I heard that before?

Practically speaking, this race was run under entirely different circumstances. I’m a different runner than ten years ago. I regularly put in solid 20 mile training runs now, have race nutrition down, as well as stretching, tapering, pacing, etc. Basically all the things I didn’t have down that very first marathon. But I don’t know that I ever “felt good” during this last one. It was a struggle from the beginning which chipped away at my confidence with every mile and made me question why I was even out there.

And then something happened along Washington Blvd. during those middle miles of “mental no man’s land.” I heard the sweetest voice along this residential street lined with stunning autumn foliage and neighbors out cheering on runners:

“Good job, RUN FOR GOD!”

I’d forgotten that I’d personalized my race bib not with my name but with the words RUN FOR GOD. A little boy had seen it and cheered for me. Can I just take a moment here and say that his words were the turning point and made all the difference?

You see, up until then – even in signing up, this race was run out of convenience and for my own purposes. God allowed this little boy to remind me of WHY I RUN as well as that prayer from ten years ago to use my running to draw closer to Jesus and bring Him glory. I ran the rest of that race with a new determination to finish strong, encourage and pray for other runners along the way, smile, and not look like I was dying (even if I was). After all, God’s name was on my race bib. I had to represent! In fact, the race photos are some of my better ones, and I’m actually smiling in all of them. Can’t post them since they’re copyrighted, so you’ll just have to trust me.

Yesterday, I was again reminded of that prayer while on the now winter-esque Monon Trail. In fact, the Holy Spirit put it to me in a new, fresh way:

“What if there were no more races?”

Not to sound morbid or anything, but there HAS to be a last race at some point. I get emotional thinking about when that might be and how I might react as I cross that finish line for the last time. I’m no Shalane or Meb, but I can somewhat relate to the emotion of retiring from marathons and that last race – whenever it might be. Often when I race, I repeat certain Bible verses over and over. This past year, I’ve also repeatedly said to myself “There will come a day when I can’t do this. Today is NOT that day!” Cue Braveheart music. Or Lord of the Rings.

Over the years, Jesus and I have had some really great conversations during runs. Sometimes He poses questions that have literally stopped me mid-stride. Yesterday was one of those times. He simply asked me if I would still run if I wasn’t signed up for some race – if the goal wasn’t training for a future race. As I continued in silence alone on the trail surrounded by a different kind of beauty than the fall colors from a week ago, I realized my answer was a solid “YES.” 

Jesus brought to full circle Hebrews 12:1-2 which was my starting gun verse ten years ago, is the theme of Run for God ministries as well as my blog, and the verse that continues to equip and exhort me in all of life’s circumstances – especially when I feel like I can’t go another step.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.”

Speaking of “crowd of witnesses to the life of faith,” I was able to finally meet Hoosier and Run for God faithfuls Troy Jackson and Troy Lovegrove for a pre-race prayer!

Not gonna lie, I do love me some nice race bling and swag (medals and goodies). I might miss that stuff a tiny bit, and I know Dave will miss all the delicious food samples at race expos – ha, ha. But I can now confidently say that the reward I look forward to most is this one:

“The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!” Matthew 25:21 NLT