I hate taper week.  The week leading up to a marathon is just no fun.  It doesn’t matter how well or how poorly I have trained the weeks and months prior; taper week for me is riddled with self-doubt and feeling fat.

My marathon training is the typical combination of long runs, shorter speed runs, some hill work, and rest days.  The night before long runs are reserved for pasta and “Say Yes to the Dress” TV marathons with my feet up.  I have come to enjoy the anticipation of and preparation for my 18-21 mile runs.  These long runs are where I often gain clarity on the stuff that’s been brewing during the week and the constant battle going on in that space between my ears.

On my last long run a couple of weeks ago, Mile 16 took me up a gradual hill.  I’ve run this same route many times before; but on this particular morning, I was reminded of a TV commercial that made me laugh out loud.  A silly scenario where the advertiser was instructing his “student” on how to properly and convincingly pronounce the word “nine” since the whole commercial was promoting the new low rate of $9.99.  The student repeated “nine” several times with the same intonations until the instructor began to show frustration with his attempts and said “Commit!”  The student said “nine” again in the same exact manner.

“Commit!”

I looked at the hill before me that has, at times, been my nemesis.  I also remembered coaching a friend on a hill run recently and telling her she needed to decide BEFORE getting to the hill if she was going to commit to running to the top non-stop.  At that moment, mid-stride, I looked at my nemesis and committed to running up that hill – no matter how I felt half way or near the top.

Various thoughts cross my mind on hills.  Everything from what I ate for dinner last night, breathing posture, favorite songs, high knee lifts, when and IF this hill will ever end…  which leads to the most frequent topic to cross my mind on tough hills – Jesus’ journey up that final hill to His crucifixion.  Yeah, that’s as extreme of a hill as they come.

I can’t think of any better inspiration for enduring and persevering up an excruciating hill or, for that matter, any tough circumstance life throws in front of me.

Christ’s crucifixion represents the crucifying of all that is counter to God’s holiness.  To crucify Jesus’ flesh on the cross was to crucify the sins common to all men and women.  On many hills runs, I actually picture Jesus carrying His cross in agony, never wavering, never doubting He would complete His task, never a thought of quitting half way, never leaving His commitment to make it up that hill… for me.

But on this particular day, I thought about specific sins I frequently struggle with like pride, laziness, judging others, and complacency (to name a few).

As I made my way up the hill, I asked God to “crucify” each one of those sins.  Sure, I’ve asked time and time again for forgiveness when these sins reared their ugly heads; but maybe it had been awhile and was now weighing me down in ways I didn’t realize.  Believe it or not, as I ran up this hill, I noticed more strength and energy with each step.  When I reached the peak, I was amazed how light I felt – as if I was on wings.  Sounds a lot like God’s promise in Isaiah 40:30-31:

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; ³¹ but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” 

Needless to say, this was a memorable long run.  It’s easy to bask in the glory of any good run for awhile, but when it’s combined with a crystal clear object lesson from God Himself…

So, that was two weeks ago.  I am now tapering for my fourth Napa Valley Marathon which will also be marathon #26.  Tomorrow’s run will consist of an 8 miler at Lafayette Reservoir with gently rolling hills.  Next week I will run two “easy” 3 milers  – my LEAST favorite runs – and try to stay loose.  And then race day is Sunday.

My mind during taper weeks is like point-to-point courses:  very linear.  I don’t allow myself to enjoy the view, relax, stretch, or make adjustments in food consumption with the decrease in mileage (thus the “feeling fat”).  I realize all this needs to change, but realizing and doing are very different destinations.

Taper week is when I feel most out of control of my circumstances.  And if you read my last blog post, you know that OCD is my middle name.

It’s somewhat ironic that my most memorable races have NOT been my best finish times; but they have been characterized as the intersection of relinquishing control of what I am prepared to do and running with the mindset that every step is a chance to honor God.

Perhaps this week I will choose that mindset as I taper for Napa.  Wait, no…not “perhaps.”  Commit!

And this fave verse that I used to tell my third grade students to help replace negative thoughts:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 NIV