It feels like a long time since my last post. I’ve been waiting for big news, a life changing event, or at the very least – new marathon PR to post on my blog. Then this morning I read Captain Sully Sullenberger’s latest post to his blog on the anniversary of the miracle of Flight 1549. This week I also read about the birth of a running friend’s second child who came on his due date born of a mother who ran a 5K PR just a few weeks prior and an 8 minute mile at the end of a run…six days before giving birth.
As I thought about what I should blog about, I can’t help but reflect on what I was doing a year ago today. Being Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday month, I was in the middle of teaching one of my favorite units in third grade. I was thankful for the long weekend granted to us as a result of MLK’s profound impact on our nation; but as a teacher, I was grateful for the windows of discussion his life accomplishments opened up in the classroom.
This year with MLK day around the corner and missing a classroom full of kids writing their own “I Have a Dream” essays and crossword puzzles, I confess I am feeling a bit lost…without a dream. When I left teaching last August, I didn’t realize how much being a teacher was part of my identity. True, it was MY decision and one of the toughest I have ever made to start a new chapter in my life without knowing what this would even entail.
But these last few months have been a pendulum of emotions and re-defining self-worth.
I’m actually having a hard time changing my employment status on my Facebook page even though I have been abundantly blessed with an exciting new business venture. I really should change my status…
On my long run yesterday, as well as many runs recently, I have been brought to tears mid-run as God often uses these times to remind me who’s in control and who’s got my back…and who doesn’t care what my Facebook status says.
I’ve almost always characterized myself as OCD, and have even taken a certain amount of pride in doing so. I’ve realized over the last few months that this is really nothing to be proud of, and in fact, is something to which God has been gently shaking His almighty head.
I’ve thought a lot lately about the example of Moses in the Old Testament and all his accomplishments as well as shortcomings. After all, the poor guy didn’t get to see the Promised Land due to one little act of disobedience. NOW who’s being OCD?! I guess when you’re the Creator of the Universe, you’re allowed to be OCD. But here’s the thing:
God is OCD about me. Only the “D” is not a disorder but it’s His Design.
His OCD reassures me that when I am feeling like I no longer have consistent structure in my day, when I can’t rely on a paycheck on the 1st and 16th every month, when people ask me what I do all day now, and when I don’t get to tell those around me exactly how to line up for recess and how to properly place punctuation, God is reminding me to let Him do the OCD-ing.
The flip side of this OCD lesson is the realization that I am not exactly OCD when it comes to obeying God. Again, Moses comes to mind (speak, don’t strike…easier said than done). My husband has been self-employed pretty much the entire 29 years I have known him. I always said “I could NEVER be self-employed!” It’s only been a few months, but I’m finding now that I am also self-employed that some days I would rather strike than speak and that the journey is not unlike running a marathon. More than ever, I see how important it is to keep my “eye on the prize.”
“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” Philippians 3:12-14 (MSG)
So, as far as blog posts go, this is probably not gonna be ranked as one of my most exciting or intriguing. No medals to show off, race destinations to be envious of, or carbo load dinners to drool over. I just wanted to share that part of my journey that is much like miles 12 to 16 in a marathon – nothing to brag about, nothing spectacular accomplished, not even close to the finish line, but staying on course hoping to encourage some folks along the way.
